Secret Dreams
by Red Flame
Summary: Ray is hiding something from his team. What is it? He has been acting funny for days. Who will finally brake him. Please review,I can use all the help I can get. enjoy 1!
1. The dream

It was nearly dawn he awoke from sleep. The room was cold and just starting to fill with the blue tint of the morning sun. The boy's hair was matted to his face and sweat was poring from every pore on his body.

It was back, the dream that hunted him almost every night for the last month. Although he could never remember what happen, he knew that it must have been bad.

Hours later, the boy still laying in his bed; heard the sound of footsteps coming to the door leading into his room. A hard knock sounded on the wooden door frame, it was his team captain, calling him to get up and go down for breakfast.

It was the middle of summer vacation, and he had no where to go and no one to hang out with. "Ray " Tyson called from the kitchen " what do you want" "I don't know how bout pancakes"not really caring to much if he ate or not "sounds good"

At 6 years of age, and living in Hong Kong Ray become a orphan, his parents were killed by a drunk driver, behind the wheel of a 18 wheeler, his parents stood no chance, they were killed on impact. He was sent back to the Chines town were he was born to live with a couple of childhood friends. When he turned 13 he joined the blade-breakers and went to live in a city in Japan with other player named Tyson. 2 years later he is still living their, but with a few more additions, to the house.

Besides Tyson who was also 15, there was Max 15, Kenny the chief15 and Kai, the team captain, who was the oldest at 16. They all made a very good team together.

All though out breakfast Ray was very quite, but no one seemed to notice much except for Kai, because he is quite anyways. Ray sat there pushing his food around on his plate un till Kai finally had enough of the constant dragging of the fork.

Grabbing the fork and plate away form him, Kai though them into the water filled sink, pulled Ray up by the collar of his shirt and dragged him into the do-jo. As the rest of the team looked on in shock. "What the hell is wrong with you?" " What is wrong with me? What is wrong wit you, you are never like this, for the past month you had been mopeing around, not training hard, and you are always mouthing off to me" " Leave me the hell alone, it is none of you damn business, just leave me alone" Ray snapped, trying to make a break for it, Ray tried darting past Kai only to get a few steps. Kai quickly grabbed Ray's arm and wrenched it up behind his back, and slammed him against the wall. " See this is what I mean, I have never had to do this to you, maybe Tyson," Kai trying to hold back a chuckle " But not you, so tall me what is wrong" Kai increasing the pressure on Ray's arm, making him let out a cry pain " O , like this is a good way to get me to tell you" he struggled some to get lose and finally did..

"Now are you going to tell me or not" Kai said almost to his breaking point "No, I can't you would no understand. " Try me"


	2. Crash

"No, I can't" Ray whispered looking down at the floor to avoid Kai's glare.

"Why not" Kai just about to flip a shit.

"I just can't" his voice staring to shake.

Rays vision started to go in and out and the room began to spin fast. Seconds later he hit the floor, hard.

" Oh My God…Ray!" Kai shouted rushing over to his side.

"Ray can you hear me, Ray, someone help me!  
The others came running into the do-jo.

" Kai what did you do to him" Tyson standing there looking at his pasted out team mate on his floor. "Yea, I know were mad at him, but damn; you didn't need to go and kill him."

"Shut the hell up" Kai snapped at Tyson.

"What should we do" Kenny asked in the background " help me get him to his room.

"But Kai, he needs to go to the hospital"

" Just help me, he is just tired, that's all, now help me!"

As they are laying Ray on the bed he starts to mumble a bit

"Maybe someone should stay with him"

"Yea, I will"

"Don't you think you have done enough for one day" Tyson chimed in.

"What did I tell you, SHUT THE HELL UP, besides I am the team captain, and it should be me"

'Fine whatever, you just want to get in his pants" Tyson said under his breath

" What was that"

"Nothing, nothing at all"

"Kai are sure you are going to be ok" Max said with a hint of compassion " yea I'll be fine, night"

As the others left the room Kai went and got a bowl of water and a wash towel. Ray was still on the bed mumbling all sorts of things. When Kai came back into the room with the supplies Ray was now laying still.

"I hope he is O.K" Kai said to him self as he sat down on the bed next to Ray he wet the towel and placed it on to Ray's head, to try to get his fever to break.

After awhile of stirring at the face of the young boy he started to fade off to sleep.

The following morning Kai awoke to find Ray gone. He has no where to be found. The worst thing was that none of the others knew were he went either.

_Where did he go? I hope he is O.K_

Kai quickly got dressed and headed down to the docks that's were he knew he would find Ray.


	3. deep

Kai found Ray starring into the water as he came closer to the docks. It had gotten very cold and foggy since he had left Tyson's

Kai slowly came up on Ray, he was still staring at the water, but he could hear the cries ranking up inside his chest.

"Ray what's wrong with you" putting his hand on his shoulder trying to turn him around so that he faced him.

"I can't do this anymore, it's not wroth it"

"What's not wroth it, Ray, please tell me"

Ray turned to run but was stopped by Kai's grip around his wrist.

"Please let go. PLEASE, it hurts"

"What hurts"

"LET GO" he was almost screaming at this point.

When Kai finally let go his hand was covered with bold.

"Ray w-what happen to you" Kai asked staring at his bold stained hand in disbelief.

Ray hand already fallen to the ground at this point.

Kai followed him down, he was now sitting on the ground in front of Ray.

"Ray, what did you do" he asked with more hurt in his voice.

Ray held at his arms for Kai to see. Kai sat there for a moment not knowing what to do. Then after a while he took one of Ray's arms in his hand and pulled up one of his sleeves. What he saw made him want to cry.

On Ray's arm was dozens of cuts up and down his arm. Ranging from little ones, to large deep gashes, that were spilling bold.

"Omg Ray what... why... how...w- why would you do this to your self"

Ray would no answer. He slowly rolled down his sleeves and stood up.

"Ray you need so go see someone about this, someone who can help"

"No. Please, no, I can't they would not understand, no one does, this is my problem and I am the one that has to fix it.

"But-"Kai reaching out to try and comfort him

"NO" pulling away "Just leave my alone"

Ray suddenly dashed off down the docks, catching Kai off balance, almost falling into the water.

Ray raced off down the docks, but Kai was gaining on every step they toke.

"I have to end this" Ray said to him self "I have to end this now"

Ray was getting closer and closer to traffic, while Kai was getting closer and closer to him.

Ray ran right into the middle of the street, standing there all out of breath, waiting for his fate to come.

"OMG, RAY DON'T DO THIS, GET OUT OF THE WAY"

A large car was hurtling in towards Ray, his horn bowling unable to stop in time, but Ray did not move.

The car was right on top of him but still he would not move, he was ready for the end.

When out of no where Kai comes running across the road and hurls himself into the air taking Ray and himself out of the path of the car, and on to the sidewalk.

They both laid on the ground gasping for air. Kai was the first to speak.

"WHAT-THE-HELL-IS-WRONG-WITH-YOU" trying to get the words out with the lack of air he had.

"Why couldn't you have let me die"

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I am very sorry I have not updated in forever, but I have been very busy with first school finally, yea that was a long time ago, but then softball, then travel. So sorry I did not do this sooner. If you have any ideas please fell free to tell me. I could use I'll the ideas I can get.

Thks

SAM


	4. Truth

Kai sat there in silence. He too, had also had that feeling, many years ago. That feeling of pure despair, wanting to fall asleep and never wake up the next morning. The feeling had reached him more then once when he lived in the cold, dark, lonely cells of the abbey. All Kai could do was to sit there and watch as his friend was swallowed by his own grief.

"Did something happen between you and Mariah?" Kai quietly asked.

After a long moment Ray spoke."She broke up with me.."

He's hiding again, dwelling in the dark recesses of his mind.  
Pulling away from the life he had.  
Tired of fake smiles of people trying to be kind.  
It's far too much.  
He's fading fast.  
Take his hand, hold on with a firm grasp.  
The ground he stands on is falling apart, he's breaking away.  
Please don't let another soul fade and decay.  
How long does he have to scream and bleed?  
Can't anyone see understanding is what he needs?  
Are you happy with the result, with what's been done?  
Don't say you tried to help or dared to even care.  
You let this happen...for him to disappear.  
Drained of his blood, is youth, his happiness, you let him go.  
All the while he begged and pleaded.  
Even to the gods he prayed not to be defeated.  
He's trapped in a black fog lost and alone.  
Fading now, singing his broken tune.  
Can't you hear it?   
Deaths coming soon.

(Thanks to zazeegirl for the poem, check her out she's great)

"What? When did this happen" He could not believe it, they had always been so strong, he thought that they would always be together.

"K-kai" Ray was almost in tears now "I did something really, r-really bad."  
"What is it"  
"No not here, can we go someplace else" Ray pleaded

They had been walking in silence for 20 minutes when they came up on the city park. After awhile longer they came along this huge oak. They both sat down under its branches. The fog had finally lifted and the sun was beginning to shine,  
But still Ray did not speak. So Kai, being the calm person that he is blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"Will you tell me what the hell is going on with you, first I find out that your cutting, then you jump in front of a car!" Kai was all worked up at this point he did not even hear Ray.

"I slept with another woman" Ray said mild-toned

"And what happened between you a Mar—" Kai suddenly stopped.

"You what?..."  
"I slept with another girl about a month ago and Mariah caught me"

"What? Why would you go and do something like that?"  
" I didn't mean to" Ray was at the point of tears.  
" I was drunk and I didn't know what I was doing, and then she walked in, and.. and it was all over." Ray whimpered hanging his head in disappointment.

"She wont even talk to me now, I've tried calling and emails, but she wont answer. She even moved back to China, to be with the White Tigers. I didn't mean to , Kai, I swear , I never wanted to hurt her, but now I will never get the chance to tell her that. She's gone.. Forever."

"Is that why you been cutting, because of a girl?" Kai asked raising a brow

Suddenly Ray lunged out at Kai pinning him under his weight "Don't you ever-ever say that again, ever, do you hear me?" Ray was ready to rip Kai to pieces.

"Just because you can't love a person doesn't mean I can't! I died that day, why can't you understand? I can't live with out her! I would rather die!"


	5. Scars

"Get off me" Kai said calmly trying not to upset the teen further. A solid punch connected with his pale face.

"You have no idea what it feels like to be in this much pain; you could never understand what it feels like." Getting off Kai.

"I don't know how it feels, I DON'T KNOW HOW IT FEELS" Kai was screaming in Ray's face at this point.

Kai began to remove his shirt, and scarf revealing hundreds of scars. "I have been beaten within a inch of my life, not just once, it happened almost every night for 5 years, 5 YEARS. So don't stand there and say I don't know pain, you can not even begin to imagine the hell I've been though. Whips, clubs, steel wool, hot irons, and needles waited for me every single night of my childhood. Boys my age were raped by grown men night after night. So sorry if I am not sympathetic enough!"

"K-Kai, I am so sorry I never knew." Reaching out his hand, Ray traced the pink scars against the Russian's pale skin. Kai shivered at the touch.

"I'm sorry do they hurt?"

"No, not anymore" Kai's voice sounded strangely soft.

Ray noticed something new on his captain's body, something he had managed to keep hidden all these years. At the base of Kai's neck was a long scar.

"What's that from" pointing to the scar.

"It's nothing, just another memory I rather not remember." Kai began to redress.

"No, I think it's more then nothing" pulling at Kai's scarf to get a better look.

"Listen Ray" grabbing his wrist causing Ray to squirm "Just drop it, O.K?"

"Yea, O.K I got it, now let go" How ever Kai did not let go, instead he held on tighter, causing more pain to shoot up though Ray's arm.

"Please!" Ray screamed trying to pull Kai's hand off his arm.

"What?" He questioned with a curious look on his face.

Ray was trying desperately to free himself from the iron like grip Kai had on his wrist, but nothing worked. Kai wasn't having it, he was not going to let go.

"Let go of me" Blood had begun to drip down his arm.

"God help you if I ever catch you cutting again" He gave one finally squeeze and let go.

Ray breathed a sigh of relief as the pain slowly subsided

"We better get home; it's going to be a long day tomorrow." And with that he walked off.

"Just tell me where you got that scar on your neck from" Kai did not answer, for a moment I thought he was going to yell at me again, but he didn't.

"I wanted to end my life too"


End file.
